Voisez II (For The New Year)

Hide, in the darkness of the new dawn. As it fades, let morn’s light interchange. Through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep, tragic is to die by carbon monoxide. Death by carbon monoxide. It is dawn, it is cold, it is only logical to keep warm, so warm we may be. The combed cotton on your flesh, needs not to be worn. It cannot protect you from the cold. It is: useless. Let whatever is left of the miniscule quantity of alcohol take over. Let the vapour bask in our brains, let us un-think , let consequence be absent, for there are no consequence. Let morn’s light interchange with the darkness of the new dawn, let it shine through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep, to escape death by carbon monoxide. A simple precaution. Contorting, shaping, slithering, sighing, to the tempo of shuffled music. The playlist: post-rock. It is for a slow fade. Awaiting morn’s light interchange.

Awoke, in front of the 24 hour convenience store. Morn’s light finally arrives. Shining through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep to avoid death by carbon monoxide. The new dawn fades, a morning arrives. New Year. End. Routine.

The Worry Reference Guide

The older we are, the more we worry about consequences;

We worry about the future;

We worry about reactions;

We worry about leaving our mobile phones at home;

We worry about leaving our wallets at home;

We worry about leaving our keys at home;

We worry about leaving the house;

We worry about where we parked the car;

We worry about where we put our car keys;

We worry about car accidents;

We worry about not filling enough fuel;

We worry about the yellow fuel  indicator going on and off and no gas station in sight;

We worry about what we eat;

We worry about obesity;

We worry about illnesses caused by obesity;

We worry about being late;

We worry about being neglected;

We worry about being monitored;

We worry about being rejected;

We worry about sin;

We worry  about grace;

We worry about not being thankful;

We worry about the presence of god;

We worry whether if there is a god;

We worry the earth will be hit by a giant meteor;

We worry the earth will be swallowed by the sun;

We worry about food additives;

We worry about cancer;

We worry about AIDS;

We worry about getting her pregnant;

We worry about marriage;

We worry about commitment;

We worry about infidelity;

We worry about being too nice;

We worry about being mean;

We worry about fitting in;

We worry about spending too much;

We worry about the shoes we wear;

We worry about the colour of our shirt;

We worry about which jeans to wear;

We worry about being over-dressed;

We worry about being under-dressed;

We worry about the latest trends;

We worry about what’s hip;

We worry about being hip;

We worry about bands we used to like becoming hip;

We worry about being proven wrong;

We worry about being stingy;

We worry about not making enough money;

We worry about our job security;

We worry about hating our job;

We worry about becoming mindless corporate whores;

We worry about what would happen if we quit our jobs;

We worry about what other people think;

We worry about worrying to much;

We worry about not worrying enough;

We worry about eventually dying and there is nothing we can do;

And we worry about the afterlife;

Or whether there is an afterlife;

Would we go to heaven;

Would we go to hell;

Would we go into limbo;

Would we feel our body rotting;

Would we taste the earth in our mouths;

Would we feel numb;

……………………………;

What would it feel like?

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A worry list, how cliché and unoriginal.

A Dick Thing to Say… (From a male point of view)

 People without sexual relations are usually more timorous compared to those who have experienced it. In my opinion anyway (please note that this article as a whole is pure ramble and assumption). Sexual relations here refers to: not exclusively coitus but also foreplay or peripheral sexual activities – petting is one of the main examples. More so if the partner is of mutual consent (not solicited or rape). Whether there is a direct link between sex and timidity I have no valid data, but very simple observations confirm this. There is a confidence, more specifically a phallic confidence, a type of confidence that arises from the concept of: “someone appreciates this thing dangling on my crotch”. This is multiplied by positive feedback regarding the performance of “thing dangling on my crotch” owner from user. Whether it be a sigh, a smile, a gesture, or direct words. The appreciation from a partner creates confidence, because in the end we are still basic mammals underneath all the glitter and chrome that portrays society as humane and civilized that still takes pride on the function of our genitals.

Ego booster or placebo? The feeling of adrenaline, loss of control, primal instincts kicking in, are adequate enough to topple fear and worry boosting the ego and consequent confidence. But is it real? Placebo projects has made me believe that psychological suggestion actually effects physical being. We are what we believe we are in compliment to who we were. Understanding these mechanics are the actual key to really balancing the option-chances/wants-needs that occur in life. True orgasm. Universal fulfillment.

Even the most paranoid and germ-phobic person would let go of fears and do it in a public bathroom stall because the mind numbs and falls into a state of frenzied crave dismissing all logic. To harvest this power is to paving the path to self control and – In extreme conditions – world domination. If we can actually arouse some sort of adrenaline driven, primal psychological state, and physical being by will alone, it would seem hard to find any form of obstacle. But then again there are emotions and other factors that steer us away from a totally unbiased state of sober self control. Being the basic mammals that we are, emotions still come as an integrated packet which we can not fully deny.

It is these emotions – and other factors – that acts as a barrier in reaching our full potential. That said, full potential is actually a myth, an illusion of, an ideal type of sorts. Melancholicly (this is not a word) speaking, in context to the aforementioned phallic confidence, when the physical pleasure is substituted by emotional wants¹ the understanding of domination is replaced by submission. For dominant types this results in extreme insecurities, because the imagination of dominance is clouded by the fear of subordination even though in reality they still are dominant. At this point the phallic confidence crumbles and leaves only a residue of itself. This residue is a complexion of fear, anxiety, self-pity, and paranoia rolled into one tiny atom, most likely hydrogen. Little effort is needed to trigger nuclear fusion.

The conclusion: simply, we all need to fill our needs every once in a while and gain confidence from crotch-oriented pleasures even the barriers acquired from emotional instability. This is human and necessary.

Yes, it is that shallow.

1Emotional are always wants, physical are almost always needs and are almost always logical.

Ideals, Choice, and Additional Fuck-ups

Image Stolen from http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2000-06-25/ if offended please contact admin (smiley here)

This made me smirk… An almost-smile.

This strip is very likely a satirical attempt from Scott Adams’ highly famous Dilbert to portray the manipulative schemes of the corporate world. But beyond that, this strip actually made me think about the considerations about challenging jobs versus non challenging jobs – non challenging jobs in this context are not specifically menial jobs but more in the areas of administrative tasks – in which i raise the question: are we willing to work in a non-challenging work environment even-though the pay is good enough? Most of us, most of the “normal” majority that is, would probably say yes, why the fuck wouldn’t we? Well, while most would, there still would be some that disagree. Their argument would be “it is a waste of talent”, to this i would probably agree, half-heartedly.

But as the french say: “cest la vie”, and that says a lot. We are forced by society to merge in with the others and become economic animals, to follow the herd into the capilistic heaven known by a large number of people as wealth. I myself have no problem with this, the first answer to “are you working for money or passion?” i answered money in a split second. But this answer does not go without reason. The problem with economic animals these days is that greed becomes the centre of play, we earn to consume products that are beyond our spending power which aren’t consumable or long lasting. Even if they are long lasting society dictates that it expires as it goes “out of fashion”. This is the “mass culture trap” we as the consumers are no longer the subject, we are no longer actors with free will, we are objects that can easily be manipulated into submission. Submission to consume; to buy things that you find no use of by the advertiser, brand consultants, and marketers who are paid by the companies that produce such products. I chose money, and my argument here — as defensive as it seems i still claim as valid — is because i can use this capital to fuel my passion. Whether it be arts, culinary, or plain leisure my income suits my wants and needs. More importantly this capital is used to create. Items of interest: production tools. It is still a form of consumerism, but at least constructive consumerism. A sort of buy to sell attitude, even though the selling part does not have to be true. Consumption as a lifestyle if not complemented by production is,well, dumb. Not dumb in a sense that those who sport this fashion are idiots, but more in a sense that it is counter productive.

Production here is not measured by financial gain, it is not profit in an economic sense. Production is producing something from raw materials, whether it is physical materials or abstract ideas. The profit is pleasure of creation and an ego boost catalysed by appreciation. In doing so, maybe, just maybe, we can escape the mass culture trap and start being our own producers instead of the dumbfounded shoppers that we already are.

*For further reading on “mass culture” search for Theodore Adorno’s The Dialectic of Enlightenment

The Dualism of Memories

There are always good memories to smile about, even when it involves the unwanted outcomes of things we hoped for. 

Note: This post will probably be one of the few with a positive perspective.

Memories of personal accounts are often biased, we remember what we want to remember and obscure the details for the more unwanted incidents. Well of course everyone already knows about this, I assume. But this well known fact raises an assumption that there must be two sides of a certain memory, two polarities: a negative and a positive. I would’ve written down “good” and “bad” but these terms are a bit too subjective to be used here. Anyway, these to polarities aren’t of the memory itself, but the effect of the memory. A photograph of a not so long ago occurrence for example, awkwardly it produces a very not so obvious smile. This photograph, although in a way a reminder of heartbreak, had a quality that reminds of a very unique moment that is enjoyable. A memory irreplaceable and still un-replaced. This is the dualism of memories, how something that triggers despise triggers joy as well, simultaneously. Most of the time, especially under minimum logic, we fail to see these dualisms that occur. We become one sided. A narrow minded attempt to recalling past events. But rest assure these dualisms are real, and to realize it exists balances our biased logic and raises introspect. Amin.

From This Height, The 19th Floor, The Centre of It All

From this height the city seems cold, dull, and uninviting. Despite the fact that there, in the middle of commerce, stands a monument with statuettes raising their arms, in a manner of openness and warmth. Still, it seems faked. Despite the fact the architecture of surrounding buildings are magnificent, from here it seems just flat and unattractive. Despite that today is the city’s so called “birthday”, festivities do not promote the surge of euphoria one hopes for. Would it be the thick smog that sucks the very life out of the pedestrians? Or is it just the tenacity of the people, not  to the city, but to the driving force of a band of ever-searching infinite contentment? Or is it just here? The 19th floor?

It feels like, overlooking everything, being in the position of the panoptic, but on the other hand unable to see anything at all. Not because there is nothing in physical form, but because there is nothing of interest to see. Traveling by bus, seeing a lot of people, realizing there are none at all. People stop becoming people as they avoid eye contact, searching aimlessly for a blank spot on the floor or ceiling to focus on, trying to be as cold and closed as they possibly can be. We, of the city, are soulless. We are forced into individuality without the possibility of an individual character. Lemmings. A term some would use that i feel very much fits this phenomenon. Lemmings (the rodents not the video game) are well known to migrate in large groups, blindly following a leader; a trend setter, often to their deaths. Our leader, our trend setter, is fear. This fear is what we follow, a fear to be left out of the group, lonely and isolated. We are ourselves therefore we shall never be alone. We shall never be the same therefore we shall never be alone. We are isolated only in our minds therefore we shall never be alone.

We are similar in variation, by this fact, we will always relate to whatever is thrown at us. To conform is to be fake, to adhere to conformity is to die a non-fatal death. But then again, we enjoy dying, for dying leads to quenching our thirst. Our thirst for establishment. Establishment makes us happy. This is the formula and forever will be true. It comes in many forms: capital, art, goals, epiphanies, welfare. Establishment are these things and more. The popular paradigm is of course capital, for in the modern world capital may allow us to buy other establishments, fulfilling the need to obtain. The city of false hopes and overrated desires. The needs fulfilled temporarily, eternally. Ironic is that i am writing this from the 19th floor, myself contained in the rat race of capital fulfillment. Yet, again paradox interrupts, alas we have our options served and choices made up. We, of the city, the lemmings, the soulless, the blank floor searchers, are addicts of banality and boredom. But in the end we shall survive eventually, more or less intact.

Masturbation for The Soul

We do not need acknowledgement, we are – as individuals – in search of self pleasuring; masturbation for the soul. Although at times we seem to serve expectations of others, it is ourselves we try to prove. Exploring potentials untill the borderline limit of infinity. There are no others, not even inner circles. Only an apocalyptic ending! The hero, evidently standing alone in a pitch black background. Frameless and asymmetric. An undying immortal. Soul, expired. And so we seek the new thrill; an exception compromised. Bungee cord and noose.

“On A Side Note” Quote

It is not about something small and technical. It is about the future of the freedom to be as social beings with each other, and the way information, knowledge and culture will be produced.

(Yochai Benkler, about the battle of context between incumbent and emerging models of production. read: http://goo.gl/cVs2f )

The Meaning of “Meaning” …and Many Other Pretentious Existentialist Crap Like That

It  wasn’t the first time they said “We need to meet up, i need you.” but somehow it was the first time I realized I actually meant something. A justifiable boost of ego of course, but nonetheless I have meaning for someone. I account for something.

So,

Meaning.

“What is meaning?”

This phrase is so often in question that  — although never answered — it becomes cliché and jaded, the question of meaning has become meaningless. Based on that particular fact, let us rephrase the question. Instead of asking what it is, we should say “Define meaning!”. Definitions are the closest thing to valid arguments, there is a systematic and logical way of thinking to elaborate these definitions which makes it, well, logical. But trying to be logical in defining meaning would mean that defining meaning is hard, for meaning itself is sometimes illogical (A trinket could at some times be more meaningful than life, a plot of land could be more meaningful than family, financial gain could be more meaningful than friendship, etc. ).  Because of this illogic that attaches itself to meaning, the interconnection lays in its subjective quality.

Something, to us, will have meaning when it has value or function. Say, a safety blanket or a teddy bear; these are things that have emotional values and functions as a comforter. Meaning is constructed by these two factors. Value and function. These are probably why there are terms like “fake friends” or “dysfunctional families” which comes to use. Relationships that contains no value or function whatsoever. Well, maybe a little but probably insignificant to categorize it as meaningful. But again, this is subjective, what is meaningless for one is not always true for others. You can be “fake” for one person and “true” for another, depending on the observers position and opinion.

Then what am I? If I am meaningful, it means that I am merely functional. I am a tool. But if I am not a tool, I am nothing. In nothing we shall perish alone. Not that I want to commit mass suicide and take everyone with me, but it would be great if someone took in kind a memory of me.

Fickle is the mind in understanding the wants and needs. Reorganizing and classifying shifting interchangeable thoughts of  what would matter the least. We, or if you object, I, think too much too often. Over-thinking assumed consequences that probably will never happen. Which comes as an unnecessary safeguard, useless even. But yet, knowing this, we continue to construct thoughts of pessimistic nature just because of the urge of wanting to feel. The need to feel. An addiction to melancholy or at least feeling meaningless, yet at the same time knowing that there is an abundance meaning for some. There are those who have the need to search out for you, a very high valued meaning indeed. The redundancy of feeling self-loath only dismisses the value above. It becomes banal.

Meaning reconstructed: are we truly living a lie?

Since meaning is, at the very beginning, constructed then reconstruction is only a modification of its original form. So may reconstruction aid us into sanity, into inner peace, into a form of conformed redundant jaded banality.

Adhere

It is blasphemy, not in a religious sense though. More of a deviation in rationality. Blasphemy in it’s most secular form. What? I cannot truly say, it is a model, a prototype of the extremely profane. It is the epitome of next to nothing. It is the sound of self reassembly, cunningly forming a mould for use in the post-modern era. It is leased life, fully unoriginal, yet accepted by the norms. It is evolution remixed and remastered with a hint of reverberation  and distortion. It is unsalted, bland, yet to a certain degree: a culinary masterpiece. It fits yet it is incompatible. It is the synonym and antonym of all that has been created and destroyed.

Adhere! To those we fail to supply affection and/or apply to. Adhere! For we are misguided freaks craving for attention. Adhere! For we are in a solution of chaos and disinformation.