Voisez II (For The New Year)

Hide, in the darkness of the new dawn. As it fades, let morn’s light interchange. Through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep, tragic is to die by carbon monoxide. Death by carbon monoxide. It is dawn, it is cold, it is only logical to keep warm, so warm we may be. The combed cotton on your flesh, needs not to be worn. It cannot protect you from the cold. It is: useless. Let whatever is left of the miniscule quantity of alcohol take over. Let the vapour bask in our brains, let us un-think , let consequence be absent, for there are no consequence. Let morn’s light interchange with the darkness of the new dawn, let it shine through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep, to escape death by carbon monoxide. A simple precaution. Contorting, shaping, slithering, sighing, to the tempo of shuffled music. The playlist: post-rock. It is for a slow fade. Awaiting morn’s light interchange.

Awoke, in front of the 24 hour convenience store. Morn’s light finally arrives. Shining through the UV protected tempered glass. Opened just a peep to avoid death by carbon monoxide. The new dawn fades, a morning arrives. New Year. End. Routine.

A Dick Thing to Say… (From a male point of view)

 People without sexual relations are usually more timorous compared to those who have experienced it. In my opinion anyway (please note that this article as a whole is pure ramble and assumption). Sexual relations here refers to: not exclusively coitus but also foreplay or peripheral sexual activities – petting is one of the main examples. More so if the partner is of mutual consent (not solicited or rape). Whether there is a direct link between sex and timidity I have no valid data, but very simple observations confirm this. There is a confidence, more specifically a phallic confidence, a type of confidence that arises from the concept of: “someone appreciates this thing dangling on my crotch”. This is multiplied by positive feedback regarding the performance of “thing dangling on my crotch” owner from user. Whether it be a sigh, a smile, a gesture, or direct words. The appreciation from a partner creates confidence, because in the end we are still basic mammals underneath all the glitter and chrome that portrays society as humane and civilized that still takes pride on the function of our genitals.

Ego booster or placebo? The feeling of adrenaline, loss of control, primal instincts kicking in, are adequate enough to topple fear and worry boosting the ego and consequent confidence. But is it real? Placebo projects has made me believe that psychological suggestion actually effects physical being. We are what we believe we are in compliment to who we were. Understanding these mechanics are the actual key to really balancing the option-chances/wants-needs that occur in life. True orgasm. Universal fulfillment.

Even the most paranoid and germ-phobic person would let go of fears and do it in a public bathroom stall because the mind numbs and falls into a state of frenzied crave dismissing all logic. To harvest this power is to paving the path to self control and – In extreme conditions – world domination. If we can actually arouse some sort of adrenaline driven, primal psychological state, and physical being by will alone, it would seem hard to find any form of obstacle. But then again there are emotions and other factors that steer us away from a totally unbiased state of sober self control. Being the basic mammals that we are, emotions still come as an integrated packet which we can not fully deny.

It is these emotions – and other factors – that acts as a barrier in reaching our full potential. That said, full potential is actually a myth, an illusion of, an ideal type of sorts. Melancholicly (this is not a word) speaking, in context to the aforementioned phallic confidence, when the physical pleasure is substituted by emotional wants¹ the understanding of domination is replaced by submission. For dominant types this results in extreme insecurities, because the imagination of dominance is clouded by the fear of subordination even though in reality they still are dominant. At this point the phallic confidence crumbles and leaves only a residue of itself. This residue is a complexion of fear, anxiety, self-pity, and paranoia rolled into one tiny atom, most likely hydrogen. Little effort is needed to trigger nuclear fusion.

The conclusion: simply, we all need to fill our needs every once in a while and gain confidence from crotch-oriented pleasures even the barriers acquired from emotional instability. This is human and necessary.

Yes, it is that shallow.

1Emotional are always wants, physical are almost always needs and are almost always logical.

The Dualism of Memories

There are always good memories to smile about, even when it involves the unwanted outcomes of things we hoped for. 

Note: This post will probably be one of the few with a positive perspective.

Memories of personal accounts are often biased, we remember what we want to remember and obscure the details for the more unwanted incidents. Well of course everyone already knows about this, I assume. But this well known fact raises an assumption that there must be two sides of a certain memory, two polarities: a negative and a positive. I would’ve written down “good” and “bad” but these terms are a bit too subjective to be used here. Anyway, these to polarities aren’t of the memory itself, but the effect of the memory. A photograph of a not so long ago occurrence for example, awkwardly it produces a very not so obvious smile. This photograph, although in a way a reminder of heartbreak, had a quality that reminds of a very unique moment that is enjoyable. A memory irreplaceable and still un-replaced. This is the dualism of memories, how something that triggers despise triggers joy as well, simultaneously. Most of the time, especially under minimum logic, we fail to see these dualisms that occur. We become one sided. A narrow minded attempt to recalling past events. But rest assure these dualisms are real, and to realize it exists balances our biased logic and raises introspect. Amin.

The Meaning of “Meaning” …and Many Other Pretentious Existentialist Crap Like That

It  wasn’t the first time they said “We need to meet up, i need you.” but somehow it was the first time I realized I actually meant something. A justifiable boost of ego of course, but nonetheless I have meaning for someone. I account for something.

So,

Meaning.

“What is meaning?”

This phrase is so often in question that  — although never answered — it becomes cliché and jaded, the question of meaning has become meaningless. Based on that particular fact, let us rephrase the question. Instead of asking what it is, we should say “Define meaning!”. Definitions are the closest thing to valid arguments, there is a systematic and logical way of thinking to elaborate these definitions which makes it, well, logical. But trying to be logical in defining meaning would mean that defining meaning is hard, for meaning itself is sometimes illogical (A trinket could at some times be more meaningful than life, a plot of land could be more meaningful than family, financial gain could be more meaningful than friendship, etc. ).  Because of this illogic that attaches itself to meaning, the interconnection lays in its subjective quality.

Something, to us, will have meaning when it has value or function. Say, a safety blanket or a teddy bear; these are things that have emotional values and functions as a comforter. Meaning is constructed by these two factors. Value and function. These are probably why there are terms like “fake friends” or “dysfunctional families” which comes to use. Relationships that contains no value or function whatsoever. Well, maybe a little but probably insignificant to categorize it as meaningful. But again, this is subjective, what is meaningless for one is not always true for others. You can be “fake” for one person and “true” for another, depending on the observers position and opinion.

Then what am I? If I am meaningful, it means that I am merely functional. I am a tool. But if I am not a tool, I am nothing. In nothing we shall perish alone. Not that I want to commit mass suicide and take everyone with me, but it would be great if someone took in kind a memory of me.

Fickle is the mind in understanding the wants and needs. Reorganizing and classifying shifting interchangeable thoughts of  what would matter the least. We, or if you object, I, think too much too often. Over-thinking assumed consequences that probably will never happen. Which comes as an unnecessary safeguard, useless even. But yet, knowing this, we continue to construct thoughts of pessimistic nature just because of the urge of wanting to feel. The need to feel. An addiction to melancholy or at least feeling meaningless, yet at the same time knowing that there is an abundance meaning for some. There are those who have the need to search out for you, a very high valued meaning indeed. The redundancy of feeling self-loath only dismisses the value above. It becomes banal.

Meaning reconstructed: are we truly living a lie?

Since meaning is, at the very beginning, constructed then reconstruction is only a modification of its original form. So may reconstruction aid us into sanity, into inner peace, into a form of conformed redundant jaded banality.

Adhere

It is blasphemy, not in a religious sense though. More of a deviation in rationality. Blasphemy in it’s most secular form. What? I cannot truly say, it is a model, a prototype of the extremely profane. It is the epitome of next to nothing. It is the sound of self reassembly, cunningly forming a mould for use in the post-modern era. It is leased life, fully unoriginal, yet accepted by the norms. It is evolution remixed and remastered with a hint of reverberation  and distortion. It is unsalted, bland, yet to a certain degree: a culinary masterpiece. It fits yet it is incompatible. It is the synonym and antonym of all that has been created and destroyed.

Adhere! To those we fail to supply affection and/or apply to. Adhere! For we are misguided freaks craving for attention. Adhere! For we are in a solution of chaos and disinformation.

Next To Nothing…

The phrase above does not describe an ordinal position, which commonly refers to: “the best”. No, the phrase above describes more of a value, as in: “in very close proximity to nothingness”.

Definitions explained. Perfect. So, the argument here is how sometimes there is this feeling of being meaningless, a feeling that if untreated undergoes metamorphosis and becomes a condition. What emerges from pessimistic thoughts recreates a fork in reality, one towards “toughen up” and the other being “little pussy”…. The outcome depends solely on the option you choose. This next to nothing syndrome usually displays high levels of anxiety and self-loathing, this is normal, do not be alarmed. What we must do is isolate the source of the “next to nothing” syndrome, the trigger, for this trigger is the cause and the cure, alpha and omega. To activate the curative properties of this trigger we must first confront it, relieving ourselves from all egotistical urges to act high and mighty; to humble for awhile and lay down arms. We are all but meaningless, for meaning may easily be constructed either internally or externally;  revaluing the material, sacred and profane. There is no “one”, it is merely what we limit ourselves to.

This makes no sense.

Winning (As In The Eyes of A Child)…

Winning is subjective, an ambiguity. Which  contains the questionable factors of what and how; what do we actually win and how exactly do we win? A statement contrast to popular – and childish – belief of what are we winning and how do we win it? Similar? Well, yes, seemingly, but if we examine closely the latter statement focuses on material values, a tangible object. Where as the former seeks explanation for the meaning, it’s substance. Bear in mind: winning sometimes is a losing battle; it seems that what we win sometimes feel inadequate, not worth the effort, hence it is a loss even though material values are achieved. Personally for me, being at the winning end triggers a slight feeling of loss. Yet, the ego proves strong, denying such grief and calculating the cost-benefit ratio. The benefit precedes.

Or so, I would like to think that.

The win is beneficial in terms that it boosts moral and raise confidence, but there are still these inconsistencies between gloat and guilt. I have won; the other shows a need for me more than i need said other. Logically, i have the upper-hand, but the fact is that losing that someone is still… a loss… a loss intended but alas, a loss nonetheless. And especially since it was predetermined, the guilt seems burdening to a point where the win seems more of a total loss. But we cope, we move on, for many of them come and go; constantly variable. This would probably be what the end of adolescence amounts to: a definitive firm pose in which we obligatorily  carry the weight of the consequences upon ourselves. Neverland has never seemed so far behind.

Battle VS. War

This…. is really not the time to rant about love, or better stated as “unusual emotional chaos which has a powerful effect towards the brain resulting in bizarre behavioral patterns turning idiots into imbeciles.”

So, I’ve won, well at least i think I’ve won…

She texted me right?

She was the one looking for me at the first place right?

So… where is she now?

Did she realize?

Yeah of course she did?

So what did i achieve?

Hmmm….. that’s tough…

Hey, why did she become indifferent all of a sudden?

Wait a minute! Hey, I’m the one who’s supposed to act indifferent and cool and what not!!!!!

Well certainly this waiting game will end with some sort of moral definition that i won’t listen to or realize for that matter, so why the heck fluster over it anyway….

OK, so she texted me, should i reply?