The Worry Reference Guide

The older we are, the more we worry about consequences;

We worry about the future;

We worry about reactions;

We worry about leaving our mobile phones at home;

We worry about leaving our wallets at home;

We worry about leaving our keys at home;

We worry about leaving the house;

We worry about where we parked the car;

We worry about where we put our car keys;

We worry about car accidents;

We worry about not filling enough fuel;

We worry about the yellow fuel  indicator going on and off and no gas station in sight;

We worry about what we eat;

We worry about obesity;

We worry about illnesses caused by obesity;

We worry about being late;

We worry about being neglected;

We worry about being monitored;

We worry about being rejected;

We worry about sin;

We worry  about grace;

We worry about not being thankful;

We worry about the presence of god;

We worry whether if there is a god;

We worry the earth will be hit by a giant meteor;

We worry the earth will be swallowed by the sun;

We worry about food additives;

We worry about cancer;

We worry about AIDS;

We worry about getting her pregnant;

We worry about marriage;

We worry about commitment;

We worry about infidelity;

We worry about being too nice;

We worry about being mean;

We worry about fitting in;

We worry about spending too much;

We worry about the shoes we wear;

We worry about the colour of our shirt;

We worry about which jeans to wear;

We worry about being over-dressed;

We worry about being under-dressed;

We worry about the latest trends;

We worry about what’s hip;

We worry about being hip;

We worry about bands we used to like becoming hip;

We worry about being proven wrong;

We worry about being stingy;

We worry about not making enough money;

We worry about our job security;

We worry about hating our job;

We worry about becoming mindless corporate whores;

We worry about what would happen if we quit our jobs;

We worry about what other people think;

We worry about worrying to much;

We worry about not worrying enough;

We worry about eventually dying and there is nothing we can do;

And we worry about the afterlife;

Or whether there is an afterlife;

Would we go to heaven;

Would we go to hell;

Would we go into limbo;

Would we feel our body rotting;

Would we taste the earth in our mouths;

Would we feel numb;

……………………………;

What would it feel like?

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A worry list, how cliché and unoriginal.

From This Height, The 19th Floor, The Centre of It All

From this height the city seems cold, dull, and uninviting. Despite the fact that there, in the middle of commerce, stands a monument with statuettes raising their arms, in a manner of openness and warmth. Still, it seems faked. Despite the fact the architecture of surrounding buildings are magnificent, from here it seems just flat and unattractive. Despite that today is the city’s so called “birthday”, festivities do not promote the surge of euphoria one hopes for. Would it be the thick smog that sucks the very life out of the pedestrians? Or is it just the tenacity of the people, not  to the city, but to the driving force of a band of ever-searching infinite contentment? Or is it just here? The 19th floor?

It feels like, overlooking everything, being in the position of the panoptic, but on the other hand unable to see anything at all. Not because there is nothing in physical form, but because there is nothing of interest to see. Traveling by bus, seeing a lot of people, realizing there are none at all. People stop becoming people as they avoid eye contact, searching aimlessly for a blank spot on the floor or ceiling to focus on, trying to be as cold and closed as they possibly can be. We, of the city, are soulless. We are forced into individuality without the possibility of an individual character. Lemmings. A term some would use that i feel very much fits this phenomenon. Lemmings (the rodents not the video game) are well known to migrate in large groups, blindly following a leader; a trend setter, often to their deaths. Our leader, our trend setter, is fear. This fear is what we follow, a fear to be left out of the group, lonely and isolated. We are ourselves therefore we shall never be alone. We shall never be the same therefore we shall never be alone. We are isolated only in our minds therefore we shall never be alone.

We are similar in variation, by this fact, we will always relate to whatever is thrown at us. To conform is to be fake, to adhere to conformity is to die a non-fatal death. But then again, we enjoy dying, for dying leads to quenching our thirst. Our thirst for establishment. Establishment makes us happy. This is the formula and forever will be true. It comes in many forms: capital, art, goals, epiphanies, welfare. Establishment are these things and more. The popular paradigm is of course capital, for in the modern world capital may allow us to buy other establishments, fulfilling the need to obtain. The city of false hopes and overrated desires. The needs fulfilled temporarily, eternally. Ironic is that i am writing this from the 19th floor, myself contained in the rat race of capital fulfillment. Yet, again paradox interrupts, alas we have our options served and choices made up. We, of the city, the lemmings, the soulless, the blank floor searchers, are addicts of banality and boredom. But in the end we shall survive eventually, more or less intact.

“On A Side Note” Quote

It is not about something small and technical. It is about the future of the freedom to be as social beings with each other, and the way information, knowledge and culture will be produced.

(Yochai Benkler, about the battle of context between incumbent and emerging models of production. read: http://goo.gl/cVs2f )

The Meaning of “Meaning” …and Many Other Pretentious Existentialist Crap Like That

It  wasn’t the first time they said “We need to meet up, i need you.” but somehow it was the first time I realized I actually meant something. A justifiable boost of ego of course, but nonetheless I have meaning for someone. I account for something.

So,

Meaning.

“What is meaning?”

This phrase is so often in question that  — although never answered — it becomes cliché and jaded, the question of meaning has become meaningless. Based on that particular fact, let us rephrase the question. Instead of asking what it is, we should say “Define meaning!”. Definitions are the closest thing to valid arguments, there is a systematic and logical way of thinking to elaborate these definitions which makes it, well, logical. But trying to be logical in defining meaning would mean that defining meaning is hard, for meaning itself is sometimes illogical (A trinket could at some times be more meaningful than life, a plot of land could be more meaningful than family, financial gain could be more meaningful than friendship, etc. ).  Because of this illogic that attaches itself to meaning, the interconnection lays in its subjective quality.

Something, to us, will have meaning when it has value or function. Say, a safety blanket or a teddy bear; these are things that have emotional values and functions as a comforter. Meaning is constructed by these two factors. Value and function. These are probably why there are terms like “fake friends” or “dysfunctional families” which comes to use. Relationships that contains no value or function whatsoever. Well, maybe a little but probably insignificant to categorize it as meaningful. But again, this is subjective, what is meaningless for one is not always true for others. You can be “fake” for one person and “true” for another, depending on the observers position and opinion.

Then what am I? If I am meaningful, it means that I am merely functional. I am a tool. But if I am not a tool, I am nothing. In nothing we shall perish alone. Not that I want to commit mass suicide and take everyone with me, but it would be great if someone took in kind a memory of me.

Fickle is the mind in understanding the wants and needs. Reorganizing and classifying shifting interchangeable thoughts of  what would matter the least. We, or if you object, I, think too much too often. Over-thinking assumed consequences that probably will never happen. Which comes as an unnecessary safeguard, useless even. But yet, knowing this, we continue to construct thoughts of pessimistic nature just because of the urge of wanting to feel. The need to feel. An addiction to melancholy or at least feeling meaningless, yet at the same time knowing that there is an abundance meaning for some. There are those who have the need to search out for you, a very high valued meaning indeed. The redundancy of feeling self-loath only dismisses the value above. It becomes banal.

Meaning reconstructed: are we truly living a lie?

Since meaning is, at the very beginning, constructed then reconstruction is only a modification of its original form. So may reconstruction aid us into sanity, into inner peace, into a form of conformed redundant jaded banality.

Adhere

It is blasphemy, not in a religious sense though. More of a deviation in rationality. Blasphemy in it’s most secular form. What? I cannot truly say, it is a model, a prototype of the extremely profane. It is the epitome of next to nothing. It is the sound of self reassembly, cunningly forming a mould for use in the post-modern era. It is leased life, fully unoriginal, yet accepted by the norms. It is evolution remixed and remastered with a hint of reverberation  and distortion. It is unsalted, bland, yet to a certain degree: a culinary masterpiece. It fits yet it is incompatible. It is the synonym and antonym of all that has been created and destroyed.

Adhere! To those we fail to supply affection and/or apply to. Adhere! For we are misguided freaks craving for attention. Adhere! For we are in a solution of chaos and disinformation.

Next To Nothing…

The phrase above does not describe an ordinal position, which commonly refers to: “the best”. No, the phrase above describes more of a value, as in: “in very close proximity to nothingness”.

Definitions explained. Perfect. So, the argument here is how sometimes there is this feeling of being meaningless, a feeling that if untreated undergoes metamorphosis and becomes a condition. What emerges from pessimistic thoughts recreates a fork in reality, one towards “toughen up” and the other being “little pussy”…. The outcome depends solely on the option you choose. This next to nothing syndrome usually displays high levels of anxiety and self-loathing, this is normal, do not be alarmed. What we must do is isolate the source of the “next to nothing” syndrome, the trigger, for this trigger is the cause and the cure, alpha and omega. To activate the curative properties of this trigger we must first confront it, relieving ourselves from all egotistical urges to act high and mighty; to humble for awhile and lay down arms. We are all but meaningless, for meaning may easily be constructed either internally or externally;  revaluing the material, sacred and profane. There is no “one”, it is merely what we limit ourselves to.

This makes no sense.

Acquaintances, Strangers, and Somewhere In Between

He introduces himself as a different person, a different history, a different life. Bending the aspects of what he constructs himself as he wants to be… His ideal “me”…

The anonymous web based chat engine, Omegle, creates the perfect atmosphere for perverts and boredom victims alike. Encouraging people to talk to strangers, without thinking of any consequences: morally, socially, even legally since all is anonymous. The unnamed protagonist in fight club showed the imagery of how people we barely know open up and be honest (referring to the help group scene). The degree of unfamiliarity in its relation to honesty actually tends to create this pattern: the more you are unfamiliar with someone, the easier it is to be honest and open up. Here said that the more we tend to realize the fact that this person we talk to wont be staying very long, we assume that there is a tendency of our stories being of unimportance, hence more easily forgotten.

Omegle puts the user in a position where we should talk to strangers, share information – even if it is just lies, because the norms that are the foundation of Omegle does say so, even if it isn’t in writing. The anonymity of the user borders shame into ever entering the plains of Omegle, we are anything we want to be – which gives way for the so called pervs and freaks – and we are protected (for both sides) by a thick metaphorical curtain. Here we find that without identity, people break off the social stratification and form what Marx dreamed as a classless society. Without identity there is no status or roles we must oblige to (or how Parsons states that man’s role determines his status), resulting in unlimited freedom creating borderless – even shameless – interactions between individuals (limited to two individuals caused by the nature of the program). IRCs and other forms of chat rooms gives us the freedom of anonymity by filling in a pseudonym (or nick as they call it), but Omegle takes it to another level. No information of your existence is provided, you cant even look up the opposite user’s IP address (that I know of).

A question revered, how often do we find comfort in being strangers, as equals unbound by the variety of status and roles? We as we define who we are, not by how others define us…

we are what we are and what we find so far away are again ourselves

We curse up in the air, relentlessly waiting for some divine answer. But then later we screw ourselves again and again and again. Talk about redemption and progress, it seems we have this ability to screw ourselves in so many ways it somehow becomes tiresome and jaded.
Somehow it seems we try harder and harder to achieve this screwed up state we come to be. And somehow we seem to keep looking for an entity to hold on to, to ease us from disorientation. And – again – somehow those we hold dearly in our hearts fail time and time again.
We are but mirror images to one another, a universally scaled fun house where we see ourselves in different physical shapes and sizes yet still the same. Our distorted images tend to scare us into thinking of what we could be, unreasonable fears, paranoia. Occasionally these distorted mirror images of us haunts us, seeking comfort to it’s less distorted counterpart, the entity to hold to ease it’s disorientation. Yet somehow those mirror images fail to show, hiding in the darkness of the light, shy and emotional. For that distorted image has somehow broken it’s counterpart.