Posts tagged ‘dewasa’

November 30, 2009

Seul…

It was half past three when i left the coffee shop, 2 hours passed unnoticed, a book in hand speaking of the counter-culture and the co-modification of it. Funny how the world seems to move in a seemingly inconstant rate. How at one time the world seems so slow and motions taking so long to finish, at another time the worlds seems to catch up speed of what it lost. And so here we are, in the accelerated version of slow motion, in the time-lapse video of life and everything contained in a single dense sphere. We are where we are and what we are thanks to the what we did and what we were, what theorist believe that identity is formed by experience and history either individually or collective. We change a lot, redefining ourselves from time to time, and probably I’ve said it  before, but somehow in the end we lapse back to the yearning of our older selves. Something some people call peter pan syndrome, the envy for the lost boys, how they never age and act as simple and as plain as they should be, as should we. We are still the kid back in grade school, the naive boy that receives daily beatings either at home (the perils of little brother) or school.

So why did we stop? why did we stop  pretending to be the cop or the robber, or the princess or the prince, or the over ambitious drag queen? We create our realities, our own identities, being who we are as we used to be… unfake…

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January 26, 2009

The 21st year of living…

21… a number, comprised of two digits….

In the western cultural sense, it is an age of independence, ripeness, adulthood, wisdom, enlightenment, a very personal renaissance…

Yet, as that age hits me (no, I do not hit that age as i have never really fancied birthdays) nothing seems to change… I wake up and still feel that small sense of self pity I had grown accustomed to all my life…

Weird is the life that god has put me in, how my growth stunted at the age of 14 yet it does not change my egocentric narcissistic idealistic way of thinking…  And over seven years later I’m still the small guy that has a lot to say…. Even when it does not matter…

A lot of people ask, where to now? What’s my goal? Purpose? Plan? I’ll have to say I am one of them… I usually have this sort of 5 to 6 year plan, where I’m going, how to achieve that certain goal, what path would I take… Alas, experience thought me better, to live life… to take chances… and sometimes winging it…

Well actually fuck this, no one needs advice on living their life, because people differ in so many ways, they have their own way, their own style, their own life…

To live by the words of others… Controlled and conformed…. Peacefully unliberated…

And here I am 21 years out of the womb… Still confused as ever… Asking those same jaded questions over and over… Seeking purpose, questioning the very existentiality of life… Seeing those dead, wondering that we’ll just end up there… in a 2 by a half metre dug up earth… And us in it…

Death as the final means of life…