Troubled/Troublesome

Everyone is fucked up, everyone in their own way. – Anonymous

Social beings, like many of us, by default crave acceptance. Recognition by the masses, no matter how small that mass may be. Extending the fifteen minutes of fame so prominently proclaimed by Warhol – which was more likely caused by the short attention span of the hipsters of those days and their regeneration, until now – into more or less a half hour variety show but hardly gets any better than that. Like so many post-modern anomalies, instead of re-imaging ones appearances to a more stable, resourceful, and civilized personality; they pity themselves crying that their lives were fucked – usually more than one ways, including the literal meaning – and that they cant help themselves for being a total attention whore.

Good argument, a valid one at that. Yet, I don’t give a fuck.

There are actually two types of people – that I know of – who present themselves as “involuntarily fucked up” or in a simpler jargon “troubled”, the first is those who are actually troubled, and the other the not so troubled or “troublesome” as this ramble points out. The difference of the two is that: one actually has been conditioned by external forces, constructing such a personality which may up one’s chances to survive in society; and the other one becomes troubled by themselves because of their lack of adaptation into society. The latter actually wrecks themselves, creating drama of sorts to justify their inability to adapt to norms and standardized rules of society while simultaneously envying those who actually can adapt especially those who they feel are “similar” to them. The probable cause why these troublesome people act the way the do is probably frustration in the process of fitting in.

Regarding to the troublesome category, we probably see these people everyday, especially if you are still in high school (or of equal level) or university (or of equal level). These are the ones who usually have everything but problems. They are usually the privileged who lack a pivotal position in the society of their peers, but this is a whole-heartedly blind assumption. These are the pseudo-quasi-[unintelligible word here] conditions in which the person burden themselves with seemingly unsolvable problems in which (part of) society would not dare sympathize for these burdens – for the fact that they are (disturbingly) undeniably specific. The kind of fuck-ups that doesn’t really happen to a large amount of people in a large area in society. Somehow a confession of sorts; signifying that: “I am an idiot/insane but I can not help myself – but no, wait, I actually can, I’m just too fucking selfish to fix myself, let others pay for my inconveniences, fuck ’em!” Alas, no actual fucking involved.

Sometimes, these are quirks, leaving the troublesome unaware of their actions of attention seeking and/or solicitation. When that is the case, fine. Something may be worked to avoid extensive damage. The crime is when the action of attention seeking and/or solicitation is actually premeditated. Meaning: they exploit the fact that their conditioning draws sympathy and pity. The problem is that these people – the troublesomes – actually and ignorantly label themselves “troubled” as if it was some sort of achieved status by means of attention seeking and/or solicitation. Eventually, to keep this “troubled” status valid, they continue to fuck themselves rounding up more sympathy and pity into a state where they actually believe they are troubled.

I would usually sum this whole ramble with the usual case-in -point, but – ah, screw it. Case in point: the concept of troubled/troublesome was actually discovered after a series of conversations with some people who label themselves troubled. The most ridiculous aspect being there was a group of them, openly calling themselves troubled. Gag or not, I actually sensed an actuality of collective faith in this group; that they were indeed troubled. Problem is: they made themselves what they are; a conditioning, whether accidental or on purpose. What they are, whatever they are, that created this self-pity movement , is hyperbolic at most. Yes, they do have problems, specific problems that are – as stated above – uncommon. But yet, they drew all that to themselves; a blame game played solo.

Fucked is when you actually have seen with your own eyes: a body lifeless, taken by it’s own hands, laying cold and motionless and being punished for it for most of your life growing up. That is what troubled is fueled by.

The human mind is a beauty at work. As though an abstract randomized burst of neurons linking to one another but creating a pattern observable if closely peeked. In seek of solitude and the company of society simultaneously. Parallels of paradox woven and interlocked.

Just Like… What He Said:

Like everyone else I feel the need of relations and friendship, of affection, of friendly intercourse, and I am not made of stone or iron, so I cannot miss these things without feeling, as does any other intelligent and honest man, a void and deep need.
– Van Gogh as quoted from Paul Auster’s “The Invention of Solitude”