Posts tagged ‘society’

October 10, 2012

Voisez III

I am not here to lecture, for who am I? One of the many unspecials roaming the walk of life, assimilating with the majority, finding its place in society. Being part of the great dramaturgy. Wearing all these masks and goggles exchanging one with the other and on the way collecting more. Learning, as well as advising, at least trying to advise what little we have learned to others that face what we have faced before. To face all with all these synthetic faces. Being, more or less, human.

Depression, one of the most common “mind disease” or commonly referred as disorders. I have seen once, with my own eyes, how depression can really consume someone’s sanity. Knowing this fact, it has always been somewhat a reminder for me, to endlessly seek for better coping mechanisms on how to at least suppress these faceless voices, the hallucination, and the constant overburdening fear and anxiety that comes abrupt and almost unnoticeable. Writing this almost meaningless — and mostly for archival purposes — post is one of them. Pin-pointing where in my life in which I start to feel these insecurities, and analysing what little data there is. As always, the mind is one of the biggest jerks that we face in our lives. In the face of instability it seems that the mind, as illogical as it seems, tries to go against sanity. A very queer mechanism. In the face of high priority problems, the mind just seems to quit, its like there is this sort of “fuck this” switch which could be toggled in an instant without the knowledge of it’s owner. Befell in depression, and just clawing your way out of a well filled with thick mud. Difficult as hell, and the  more we try the more we freak out because somehow it seems to not work. But then we justify ourselves, that this thick mud will soon settle and harden, which means that at least one problem from the eternal shit-list will automatically solve itself, on how to climb out of the well is a completely different problem also nestled somewhere in the eternal shit-list. Do we wait for some good-natured passer by come to the rescue, ladder/rope  in hand? or do we claw our way to the top with the spare energy still left in our souls after struggling just to survive the mud? Again, it is choices, options, wants, and needs. Something so abundant, which for the same reason, becomes the catalyst as well as the obstacle in reaching whatever it is we strive to reach.

There.

Depression averted, for now.

The big bulging feeling inside the head has more or less subsided. The voices squawk no more. Anxiety  lifted by the sound of flutes from my headphone.

Flutes, fucking flutes from a score sheet created hundreds of years past by Mozart.

It takes, an attempted suicide, and a visit to a dear friend in the psychiatric ward, for me at least, to really understand the workings of depression and the struggle to survive this so-called mental illness. To actually survive life, to not give in. To actually put a real meaning to “earning life and all its perks”. We owe ourselves that at least, a chance to earn something. A dream of an average length but fruitful life.

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October 12, 2011

The Worry Reference Guide

The older we are, the more we worry about consequences;

We worry about the future;

We worry about reactions;

We worry about leaving our mobile phones at home;

We worry about leaving our wallets at home;

We worry about leaving our keys at home;

We worry about leaving the house;

We worry about where we parked the car;

We worry about where we put our car keys;

We worry about car accidents;

We worry about not filling enough fuel;

We worry about the yellow fuel  indicator going on and off and no gas station in sight;

We worry about what we eat;

We worry about obesity;

We worry about illnesses caused by obesity;

We worry about being late;

We worry about being neglected;

We worry about being monitored;

We worry about being rejected;

We worry about sin;

We worry  about grace;

We worry about not being thankful;

We worry about the presence of god;

We worry whether if there is a god;

We worry the earth will be hit by a giant meteor;

We worry the earth will be swallowed by the sun;

We worry about food additives;

We worry about cancer;

We worry about AIDS;

We worry about getting her pregnant;

We worry about marriage;

We worry about commitment;

We worry about infidelity;

We worry about being too nice;

We worry about being mean;

We worry about fitting in;

We worry about spending too much;

We worry about the shoes we wear;

We worry about the colour of our shirt;

We worry about which jeans to wear;

We worry about being over-dressed;

We worry about being under-dressed;

We worry about the latest trends;

We worry about what’s hip;

We worry about being hip;

We worry about bands we used to like becoming hip;

We worry about being proven wrong;

We worry about being stingy;

We worry about not making enough money;

We worry about our job security;

We worry about hating our job;

We worry about becoming mindless corporate whores;

We worry about what would happen if we quit our jobs;

We worry about what other people think;

We worry about worrying to much;

We worry about not worrying enough;

We worry about eventually dying and there is nothing we can do;

And we worry about the afterlife;

Or whether there is an afterlife;

Would we go to heaven;

Would we go to hell;

Would we go into limbo;

Would we feel our body rotting;

Would we taste the earth in our mouths;

Would we feel numb;

……………………………;

What would it feel like?

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A worry list, how cliché and unoriginal.

September 7, 2011

A Dick Thing to Say… (From a male point of view)

 People without sexual relations are usually more timorous compared to those who have experienced it. In my opinion anyway (please note that this article as a whole is pure ramble and assumption). Sexual relations here refers to: not exclusively coitus but also foreplay or peripheral sexual activities – petting is one of the main examples. More so if the partner is of mutual consent (not solicited or rape). Whether there is a direct link between sex and timidity I have no valid data, but very simple observations confirm this. There is a confidence, more specifically a phallic confidence, a type of confidence that arises from the concept of: “someone appreciates this thing dangling on my crotch”. This is multiplied by positive feedback regarding the performance of “thing dangling on my crotch” owner from user. Whether it be a sigh, a smile, a gesture, or direct words. The appreciation from a partner creates confidence, because in the end we are still basic mammals underneath all the glitter and chrome that portrays society as humane and civilized that still takes pride on the function of our genitals.

Ego booster or placebo? The feeling of adrenaline, loss of control, primal instincts kicking in, are adequate enough to topple fear and worry boosting the ego and consequent confidence. But is it real? Placebo projects has made me believe that psychological suggestion actually effects physical being. We are what we believe we are in compliment to who we were. Understanding these mechanics are the actual key to really balancing the option-chances/wants-needs that occur in life. True orgasm. Universal fulfillment.

Even the most paranoid and germ-phobic person would let go of fears and do it in a public bathroom stall because the mind numbs and falls into a state of frenzied crave dismissing all logic. To harvest this power is to paving the path to self control and – In extreme conditions – world domination. If we can actually arouse some sort of adrenaline driven, primal psychological state, and physical being by will alone, it would seem hard to find any form of obstacle. But then again there are emotions and other factors that steer us away from a totally unbiased state of sober self control. Being the basic mammals that we are, emotions still come as an integrated packet which we can not fully deny.

It is these emotions – and other factors – that acts as a barrier in reaching our full potential. That said, full potential is actually a myth, an illusion of, an ideal type of sorts. Melancholicly (this is not a word) speaking, in context to the aforementioned phallic confidence, when the physical pleasure is substituted by emotional wants1 the understanding of domination is replaced by submission. For dominant types this results in extreme insecurities, because the imagination of dominance is clouded by the fear of subordination even though in reality they still are dominant. At this point the phallic confidence crumbles and leaves only a residue of itself. This residue is a complexion of fear, anxiety, self-pity, and paranoia rolled into one tiny atom, most likely hydrogen. Little effort is needed to trigger nuclear fusion.

The conclusion: simply, we all need to fill our needs every once in a while and gain confidence from crotch-oriented pleasures even the barriers acquired from emotional instability. This is human and necessary.

Yes, it is that shallow.

1Emotional are always wants, physical are almost always needs and are almost always logical.
March 17, 2011

Adhere

It is blasphemy, not in a religious sense though. More of a deviation in rationality. Blasphemy in it’s most secular form. What? I cannot truly say, it is a model, a prototype of the extremely profane. It is the epitome of next to nothing. It is the sound of self reassembly, cunningly forming a mould for use in the post-modern era. It is leased life, fully unoriginal, yet accepted by the norms. It is evolution remixed and remastered with a hint of reverberation  and distortion. It is unsalted, bland, yet to a certain degree: a culinary masterpiece. It fits yet it is incompatible. It is the synonym and antonym of all that has been created and destroyed.

Adhere! To those we fail to supply affection and/or apply to. Adhere! For we are misguided freaks craving for attention. Adhere! For we are in a solution of chaos and disinformation.

March 9, 2011

The Art of Melancholy

What an emo fucking title I wrote… -APS

We are creatures of habit, once we have constructed a method or model in which we carry out actions, we usually stick to those methods no matter what, even if it isn’t the most effective. Naturally, if those method fails, we try to blame factors other than ourselves, a combination of denial and justification. This is the art of melancholy.

It is melancholic because we nag about pretenses and assumptions on what went wrong, that this chaos was mould by our environment, by society. True, they do play a big part in our daily fuck-ups and we wont be what we are without their contribution, but to classify them as the main and exclusive clause is somewhat over-rated. We earn what our actions produce, a fuck-up only occurs strictly when an action is delivered, without us (the actor) there would be no fuck up, secondary elements which contribute to this fuck-up are miniscule, they only add to the fuck-up which was originally produced by the individual actor.

Introspect: we, who we are, are responsible to every crap and/or yield that presents itself in our lives. Retrospect: our actions, what we have done in the past, are the main catalysts of the crap and/or yield that presents itself in our lives. But even that said, complaining is a justifiable coping mechanisms in dealing with crap mentioned above. Denied and justified by myself of course.

October 8, 2009

A short analysis of things of unimportance….

The Indie scene is an understandably weird culture, its counter-culture adapted into popular culture, at least that’s how I see it in society, especially in Jakarta. The dominance of what I describe as “posers” at concerts. The static and expressionless faces of those who understand nothing about the scene they are at. A waste of time, space, and money. To watch a musician or a group play without understanding a fucking note. This is the capitalistic nightmare, when means are available yet culture has not thoroughly integrated within society. These posers feel the need to go to what is labelled by society as hip, happening, and in the now. Enjoyment is inevitable yet they administrate those oh so familiar static and expressionless glance to the stage, only enjoying mostly the popular singles. Point in case: Incubus (5 Mar 2008) – yes, I am aware that they are not what you call “indie” but it definitely can give an understanding about my concept of posers – I can really understand why the band left so early without an encore, the people just don’t fucking get it! Repertoires from their earlier work proved unfamiliar to these posers – which at the time filled almost three quarters of the venue – resulting in the aforementioned idiotic gawks towards the stage, the only excitement displayed by the crowd was at their performance of their single, Drive – which to me is a bland acoustic ballad compared to the rest of their work.

The concert of the previously indie Denmark based self-proclaimed “pretentious art rock” band MEW (9 Aug 2009) showed similarities. The point of going on tour is to promote new materials, in which they did, only to be responded by total awkwardness and cluelessness to the performance. As I enjoyed myself there, only one song caught their attention, Am I Wry? – Which is mostly, to my logic, because of major airplay on MTV. The enjoyment of attending concerts has now made myself tired and uninterested based on the fact that these posers are most likely to ruin the fun for me. Basically, a band or musician would get a rush of adrenaline from positive crowd reactions, or “spontaneous feedback” a lousy crowd would result in the band thinking “what the fuck are we even doing here?” the exact impression a poser would leave. So how did these posers came to be? And is it a fact that they grow even more every time? That, is a truly unknown fact, but what is known is that media promotions could be the main cause of such catastrophe, prior to the more commercialized music scene, everyone had a community and a segment. Over-promotion is key to barricading these metaphorical walls of commune fandom and segment based concert goers. Punk scene-goers would go to, well, punk music concerts (duh..) and metal scene-goers would go to metal scene concerts, and ska scene-goers would go to ska music concerts. The crossovers of music genre led to the fact that mainstream jazz music would blend with pop jazz music in one event (JavaJazzFestival), confusing the crowd in labelling such genres, resulting in “ending up in the wrong scene”, hence we find posers.

So maybe, we cannot at all point the finger to say that posers are to blame with the whole uncomfortable concert going experience, for it is certain event promoters are looking for more ways to interest the general public to go to their events – which means,  in other words, looking for profit. So, what is really happening here? Has music finally lost it’s meaning? Well perhaps not, music still has integrity thanks to a handful of artists, but still we ponder on the future of the music world, the assumption is that trends are a non linear continuous cycle, and profit seekers will always have their watchful eyes close to art as their tools of production. Alas, artistic prostitution will always be a part of society, and as artists, we ourselves control the path of our existence.