Posts tagged ‘Of’

January 26, 2009

The 21st year of living…

21… a number, comprised of two digits….

In the western cultural sense, it is an age of independence, ripeness, adulthood, wisdom, enlightenment, a very personal renaissance…

Yet, as that age hits me (no, I do not hit that age as i have never really fancied birthdays) nothing seems to change… I wake up and still feel that small sense of self pity I had grown accustomed to all my life…

Weird is the life that god has put me in, how my growth stunted at the age of 14 yet it does not change my egocentric narcissistic idealistic way of thinking…  And over seven years later I’m still the small guy that has a lot to say…. Even when it does not matter…

A lot of people ask, where to now? What’s my goal? Purpose? Plan? I’ll have to say I am one of them… I usually have this sort of 5 to 6 year plan, where I’m going, how to achieve that certain goal, what path would I take… Alas, experience thought me better, to live life… to take chances… and sometimes winging it…

Well actually fuck this, no one needs advice on living their life, because people differ in so many ways, they have their own way, their own style, their own life…

To live by the words of others… Controlled and conformed…. Peacefully unliberated…

And here I am 21 years out of the womb… Still confused as ever… Asking those same jaded questions over and over… Seeking purpose, questioning the very existentiality of life… Seeing those dead, wondering that we’ll just end up there… in a 2 by a half metre dug up earth… And us in it…

Death as the final means of life…

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